This is me, letting go!

I saw you yesterday,
And all those things

I fell in love with
Came rushing at me -
With a force so hard,

The air in my lungs

Didn't stand a chance!

My stomach was hit

With an invisible dart,
Making me weak,
My chest palpitated;
My heart broke into a song
Of desire,
Of raw unfulfilled want...

Stop! This unbearable heat...

My heart plays Moonlight Sonata

In rush dirty rapper's beat


Your smile played before my eyes
The same warm smile

That had my stomach in a knot

On our first date!
It tortured my need

Made me want

The child from your seed…
When you looked gently at me

Behind your thin-rimmed glasses;

Reminding of nightly prayers

And yoga classes...

The anger,
Seemed to dissipate
I broke into a sweat
Breaking eye contact

Before I could jump

Your bones
The familiar mischief in your laugh;

Your voice with sweet overtones
It was like homecoming!

My voice went yodeling
I pretended not to feel

The things you made me feel
I wanted so bad to break my vow
And ravish you without a shame!

And then, perhaps later,

Dive into self-blame...

While my guards were silently

Falling down,

Causing old dust of hope to fly like Sahara simoom
I raised again my eyes up at you:
My heart almost stopped!
My nearness tortured you,
Just as much as you did me!
I watched you avoid eye-contact

I see...
Afraid it would mirror my lust?
Trying so hard

Not to relive the familiarity

That we'll forever share!
And as I watched you look away,

I swear
I could sense I was alive

In your mind, in your heart...

And as I stared
Your groin took on  a life of its own

Ahha!!! I see your self-control

Is blown away with my moves...

I am still your Muse!

The familiar tang of your body scent wafted to me,

Awakening all the senses...

Queuing them up until they were guitar-string taut!

A bead of sweat formed on my brow 

With every rise of my chest!

I felt Claustrophobia slowly creeping up on me-

My breathing came out in laboured shafts!

My heart, hammered against the rib cage,

Threatening to burst forth!

I felt your every shift,
Responded to your every nervous twinge

It hit me back, my silly “revenge”:
I shifted endlessly,
Because against my willpower;
A hot flush I hopelessly fought

Was spreading all over me,

Like in menopause,
Awakening in me a raw want;
Only you could bring into life!
It rose like a tumor, so malignant yet subtle
My body twitched, raked by sweet spasms…

Those silent spasms, that strive

But unable to hold

Imminent, loud orgasms...

I looked over at you
Hoping you

Wouldn't see my discomfort
You didn't miss the goosebumps
They kissed my skin
With an obsession of an amorous lover…
It made you antsy!
The tension of our closeness was so thick,
I could cut through it!
I held ground
I couldn't trust my legs,
To bolt me out of the room!
Not sure what to do with these feelings
That were continuously pouring off of me,

Zooming past my thighs…

My throat, dry,
My mouth aching to be devoured

Damn!

 I did wet my lips with my tongue!

My wound has been scoured...

I looked on you –
Trying hard not to stare as you casually paced the room,
Convincingly looking like you were calm!
Inquiring about nothing I'd said!
With my short skirt riding high
You couldn't concentrate

I understood!
Against myself: I understood!
Forgave you
For giving up on us-
The wreckage you inflicted

On my heart!
It was the same deal of heartache
You carried, stoically
Watching you as you looked upon me;
Almost crushing under the resolve to keep buried
The overwhelming love you have for me.
In accepting the reality of the walls between us;
I need a new fantasy...
NOT with you!
I'm chucking my deuces:

I'm letting YOU go

© AK 2013