Your smile -

It messes me up.

It comforts like a breeze

After all this time,

It still is

As bright as a sunny day!

Like a ghost

Of love lost

It taunts my need!

Stopping my heart,

Awakening the embers...

Warming up my year of

Twelve Decembers...

I saw it!

On our first date;

Basked in it!

Bathed in it!

Blanketed in it

My heart fluttered,

My stomach knotted,

Like a teen with a major crash

And you kept smiling...

I kept drinking

This sweet poisonous “smash”

Making me tipsy

Making me blush

(Yeah, ebony women do blush!)

Your smile....

Drawing me into your charming heart!

Impregnating me with the idea

Of our smiling child

I wanted to reside

In the warmth of that heart;

To always call it home:

Somewhere I knew
Love was born

And always would be.

I still do!

Against my better judgment -

Sucked in Melancholy

Up to the chin,

I hallucinate about:

'What-could-have-been'

I said it all; as I felt it

Bore my soul because it felt right!

Oh, and the night...

I regaled you of my uncanny musings in those intimate dreams;

I let you savor the spice from my either lips,

I intertwined you in the sweetness of my hips

Spoke of the feelings

Which you could read

Just by looking into my eyes

Which were nothing, but Love beams

I caught every nuance of my inner happiness

In countless explicit poems -

Mixed with good ole' “sappy-ness”

If I could sing,

I would have put it in a song!

I told you my fears -

Except the fear I held dear:

That of losing you!

The fear

I didn't want to breathe life into

By voicing it!

  

I was a willing captive:

Gave you my heart;

Because there was no greater gift!

I flew, I sublimed,

I didn't care if it was out of line

I had your smile for breakfast

And lunch, and dinner...

I hoped to God my wantonness

Didn't scare you away!

But it did.

You gave up!

Abandoned our little wonderland -

And left me trapped in the dark!

I lost my way in the maze -

Trying to get to you!

Burnt by the blaze

Inside me

But it didn't show me ways...

Even with time gone by

I can't pretend I don't care, don't cry;

When I realize you don't think of me!

The frustration of not finding you

Is killing me!

 You look at me;

You see 'lonely'

Because I see it when you brood!

I feel claustrophobic:
My thoughts, my longing for you

Dance mad aerobics

Like someone pulled me out of the luxurious Limo

And threw me into the cramped space

Of an abandoned casino

There is nothing noble enough -

To justify plaguing my heart thus!

You don't care!

The answer was always right under my nose!

Go figure! Yet I dared...

You say, you just “wanna be friends” -

(We never were friends!)

Yet you keep taunting me

With that smile...

I see it even in a coffee cup...

... It still messes me up!

© AK Nov. 2012