Stalking you with my heart

I lie restless,

Listless…

Dreaming of what could be

Glowing in our glee

Willing our beats to communicate

So I can pass on the unspoken loneliness...

Brooding desires...

And tumultuous aches from within

I am a wreck

Feeble, if you may

These ominous feelings -

Wishing them away makes them deeper.

I want to run from my heart

Put a lot of distance between us

But my legs fail me

I am pathetic

Others would call me a hopeless romantic

Hopeless, I am

And I blame cupid

For pointing my heart in the wrong direction.

When you are with me;

I am whole.

When you say you love me;

I explode.

But then you draw away

Like I am the plague

Leaving no explanation

And a confused heart

Another shot of Tequila,

I can’t stop looking at my phone

Willing it to ring.

I am stalking you

Like a smitten psychopath.

Said I wouldn't call,

But I keep losing all control.

Oh, whoa

How could I be so wrong

While at the same time

Feel this amazingly alive,

Alight with pleasure

When I'm with you?

I am a woman of discriminating taste

Yet I open up to you

Freely, like a lily in the morning.

You know me too well,

It should be illegal

That I hand all the reigns to you -

Surprises the cynic that I am

You said our love was written in the stars  

Yet you pull the plug

Every time I set sail on a few fantasies.

Like the Japanese Yakuza,

You are relentless in torturing my need

Letting me indulge and methodically tearing me apart.

I want to burn the bridges;

Break the connection -

But I am fool

When it comes to you

(It is laughable.... really)

Could be

Because there are too many picturesque memories scattered all over my mind. My body. My soul.

I have the perfect recall

Of the way my heart clenches at your smile;

My body heats at your touch -

My soul walks on the clouds when I’m with you

And the kisses... Those kisses! Oy!

I breathe in the morning dew

As I reflect back on my nightly lustful musings

And I blush

I scowl at my frustration:

I am in love with a dream –

Show me how to fight for now.

I set fire on the already ablaze desire

And I'm consumed.

Lost in paradise of inane bliss

I riot at the thought of not having you

Wistful about the future I will not have

You will be the death of me;

One day!

The death of all things beautiful.

Loving the idea of someone

Is different from loving who they really are:

When I give up on you,

Will be the day I give up on hope,

The only emotion that keeps me alive.

I will turn cupid's arrow on him

And run for the dark

Pick up pieces of my broken soul,

Tender in my emotions,

Mend my spirit -

And fly.

But for now:

I stalk you with my heart­­­­

Guess I’d rather hurt

Than feel nothing at all

© AKateemu December 30, 2013

Hearts and thorns

The tightening in my chest,

I am suffocating.

Dams of tears threaten to burst.

I've been believing,

In something so distant –

You brought me back to life –

For a while.

Now I'm broken.

Alone...

I'm reeling.

Somehow I remain upright.

My heart lurches to a halt,

My joy unfurls –

Stretches lazily,

Bored.

I’m transported into bliss

Then left hanging

Alone...

My world stands still,

Tilts,

And spins on a new axis.

I am billowing in the wind,

Flying off to the unknown.

I’m a kaleidoscope of moods

Feelings so profound...

They tear to the core

And you give no respite...

Kiss me.

Stop me from drowning.

Will I never break these chains;

That our souls bind?

Sultry voices call out to me

Setting me ablaze with want –

Pulling me from my darkness....

My haunted dreams

Lonely,

I lie, in the dark –

Dreamless;

Silent –

For a while.

Then my nightmares

Crawl up to me;

Foreboding.

So many blinding walls between us

I don’t want to feel for you

But my happiness-paths

All lead to you.

Oh darkness,

My muse!

Drenched in pain, again

I court my loneliness

I wallow in sad love songs,

Letting their bitter-sweet nuances

Lull me to sleep.

Wake me up,

When the year is gone

I need a little modesty to bow out

But what modesty –

At a quarter past one?

When I’m a little drunk (Yes! A little)

And I need you?

This hangover will not pass,

Soon

I’m a mess.

Hearts and roses;

I want.

Hearts and thorns;

I’m dealt.

My body is on fire,

But I will not grieve –

Yet.

There is nothing real love can’t undo –

I think.

And unless we lie in silence,

The blinding walls will melt.  

© Akateemu December, 2013